How?

Recently I attended the funeral of a beautiful young soul whose love could no longer be contained in this world. When such a devastation happens, when someone unalives themselves, as social media likes to call it, don’t we all with heavy hearts, wonder why?

The reasons and the answers become extremely troublesome because there are none, at least none that can affectively calm our anxious hearts. Grief will take time, a lot of time.

Let me propose a question, if somewhere along the way,

love stopped finding a way to be expressed,

as if it were stuck in a clogged pipe,

Could a deafening and blinding pressure arise from this blockage, trapping energy, creating a force that cannot move forth?

Does the person become unable to find the light or hear the truth because they are unable to penetrate the clog of debris of lies, therefore reaching the conclusion that there is only one way to stop the noise?

The heartbroken man had suffered years of anguish. His time on earth came to an abrupt and devastating halt. He fought long and hard, with grit, trying to stop the dark force but He lost the battle. 

But God….

This young man will not lose the war! He will be victorious and yet the ones who will no longer experience him physically will now need to dig deep and accept his presence spiritually as a reminder, a true leap of faith, that love never dies. This is not an easy road to find.

This young man remains a part of the lives he left behind! In parks, in music, in family traditions, in memories, that allow intimate connection to remain under a cloud of sadness. The ones left on earth will need to wait for the physical reunion. In the meantime it is up to them to keep his spirit alive.

Unfortunately I have witnessed many funerals that held this kind of pain.

My children’s friends, many students I had taught, a sweet sister of a dear friend, a dedicated mother of a young man, a beloved son of a friend, a man who made everyone happy when he walked into the room, whom I and many others adored, this list that doesn’t even name them all.

I must dig deep to find courage to attend these services. Empathy guides my steps. I have also learned through this experience that each life is meant to teach us something. Every soul had a purpose.

Could it be that the people who love the one who is gone,

can somehow someway,

make some adjustments to what they used to know,

begin a new way of “OK”,

keep some energy of the loved one and

move forward not only continuing in their own purpose but also filling in for where the loved one’s purpose came to an earthly halt?

This funeral was different. Oh the pain was more intense that most can bare. The emotions were uncontrollable. The intense love and emotional support of presence filled the air. People came dressed in black with puffy eyes and no words of value, clinging to the hope that just being there could ease 1/1000 part of the pain. A small amount but when it hits that deep any amount of relief surely can help, or at least we want to believe so.

The service was held in a beautiful quaint chapel on a dreary grey day that couldn’t hold all of the people wanting to help hold this kind of pain. The ones who stood outside in the cold listened together to the livestream while wiping tears.

Many sat in their cars either alone or with others

and even more watched from afar on a livestream to join in a communion of grief with this dear family who is loved deeply.

A storyteller led the service. She knew personally what this family was experiencing so she authentically, yet gently with truth and laughter told us the story of his life. A beautiful witness was revealed about an energetic, musically talented, sensitive young man, who knew Jesus personally and lived a life according to the values found in scripture.

Although I heard no Bible verses, and we sang no worship music, the testimony of this young man screamed love, peace and joy, the good news, the fruit of the Spirit!

How can laughter and smiles show up at a funeral with this kind of complicated grief?

I think I found the answer while reading my devotional this morning in the Letter of Saint John 4:17-18

God is love and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. And this is love brought to perfection among us that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.

This funeral did not contain fear… I didn’t see it or feel it or hear it.

Yes there was great suffering!

Yes, I heard the question…

Are you still there, God? (Jesus wondered the same thing).

Yes I heard of an imperfect teenager, a lost soul, a young lover, one whose best friend couldn’t find a “pg” memory to share. Some may find fault but God does not and this family knows that!

They know they will see him again!

They know his spirit still lives!

They know they loved him to the best of their ability!

They will find the strength to reject any lies of guilt or shame!

They are a witness!

We should be paying attention! 

They will need to be reminded of these truths!

Let them handle this however they must!

Let them get mad!

Let them cuss!

Let them scream!

Let them love!

I had never met this young man in person, so imagine my surprise when a spiritual encounter disrupted my mourning. While driving home from the celebration of life, playing on Spotify was the song by John Lennon, Beautiful Boy. Asong chosen by the family to play as remembrance.

With a heavy heart, the emotional pull was daunting. My sadness felt like 300 lbs. and I grew concerned that I could yet again, be falling into that awful pit of despair, the place where paralyzing grief turns off the light and sucks me into the darkness, when life feels so unfair. I can get stuck; my drain gets clogged.

A little back information is needed before I move on with the story. Over Christmas my sister-in-law, who had lost her husband Jody, which was my connection to this current grieving family, had shared that she is reminded of her beloved Jody, when she hears the song Piano Man by Billy Joel.

Well guess what song began playing in my car on Spodify? You guessed it, Piano Man. At that same time the sun burst through the clouds with vengeance and a joyful scene appeared in my thoughts of Jody at the piano and the young man on the drums fully engaged in playing the song with glee in their eyes! A glorious sign of what just might be occurring in heaven. I chose to believe it to be true. No one can change my mind.

At once my mood shifted! The Light overtook the darkness!

Joy filled my heart! My grief was lifted!

I’ll never forget it!

And I’ll won’t forget this young man I never met! His spirit remains.

We must remember!

Stay Blessed!

Lisa