How can I forgive that?

Forgiveness is not as easy as it once seemed to be.

When I was younger, I felt to forgive someone, you just had to say the words, I forgive you.

That was not an easy task. Just to be able to say the words required strength and bravery and that’s if the offender apologized!

But what if they don’t apologize?

What then?

Jesus tells us we must still forgive and He leads by example, 70 x7, so we can have no excuses.

He never asks us to do anything that He doesn’t do.

So how do we forgive the person who can’t or won’t apologize?

Before we get to that let’s ask why should we forgive?

The reason why is because unforgiveness holds a heart in bondage. It keeps the one, who felt the heart wound, bound to the memory. It’s like a weighted ball attached to the human body with a heavy chain so the one who doesn’t move through the pain, could carry an imaginary 100 extra pounds with them as they move in life and they don’t even know it. It remains hidden. This weighted burden does reveal itself in bitterness, anger, frustration, scarcity mindset or a slow painful drawn out, life sucking disease, sometimes resulting in health issues of varying degrees. 

Why forgive? Because that heart wound deserves to be healed, to be whole again, and that offender deserves no more ability to harm us. We must take our power back.

So how? 

Saying the words ‘I forgive’ is only the beginning of a long process. Like the physical care needed for an injured leg due to a fall we will need to move forward on the path of wholeness by healing one step at a time.

Our minds can lie to us. We must know this. 

If I say I forgive someone but anger continues to arise when I hear their name,

If I say I forgive someone but get triggered every time they enter a room,

If I say I forgive someone but will not speak to them,

My heart wound is not yet healed.

No need to feel bad, do not let shame enter your thoughts, just name it, be true to your injured self and gently say “I’m not where I want to be but I’m better than I was”

As long as we feel like we want that person to suffer or die, the offender remains the one in control. They still have power. The wound is still open and bleeding.

Keep caring for the wound, one intention at a time. Moving through the injury, by processing the feelings, not pushing them away, just be aware and intentionally invite your soul to gain strength. Stop the bleeding, let the scab heal, pay attention to internal pain, should you rest first and wait to move into some physical therapy? Be still and then discuss? Listen to the clues your body is revealing.

Not for the perpetrator but for you! For that beautiful soul that sits inside, who has suffered too much already and deserve to find joy and peace! Don’t let the offender win! They caused great harm… don’t let them negatively affect your body or your mind anymore! Take back what is rightfully yours!

Look for evidence of healing…

Wow, her name was mentioned and it didn’t hurt!

When he drove by, my anger didn’t arise!

When I saw them, I could say hello!

These steps are confirmation that you are healing your heart! It’s so exciting!

The goal is that someday you won’t feel any negative emotions, just an awareness. Something did happen, can’t deny that, and yet the memory no longer requires any emotional energy. Acceptance of what we yearn to not be true and surrendering to it is the path to freedom. The injury is real but not the final truth! It’s remains a detail of what we experienced but it does not define us!

As you regain your health, remember, hurting people hurt people. When they caused such pain, they were acting in their own unhealed heart wounds. They were inappropriately projecting their own broken beliefs on someone undeserving. They are unaware. They don’t even know and possibly don’t want to know but that’s not yours to be concerned about!

Be true to yourself!

Help your beautiful soul heal!

Know you were created for a purpose and loved deeply by the Creator himself.

One more thought, if you don’t move toward healing through forgiveness, it’s quite possible that you will become the one who projects your unhealed wounds upon others.

It’s a massive ripple effect that you have the power to stop!

Healed people, heal people!

Be who God made you to be!

And do it now!

Stay Blessed!

Lisa